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Divorce Resources for Women

Five Pieces Of Truly Profound Advice From Divorcees

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divorce advice | divorce support | Since My DivorceRecently, Quickie Divorce polled 2,000 of our former customers, all of whom had been divorced for at least two years, to determine their current relationship statuses. Whilst our survey was designed to determine how likely people are to embark on new romantic relationships following their divorces, it turns out that this wasn’t the most valuable information we’d glean from it.

The survey revealed that more than 70 percent of respondents had had a romantic relationship that they considered to be serious following their divorces. We also discovered that 20 percent were also now cohabiting with a new partner. We also asked people what their present selves would, with the benefit of hindsight, have said to themselves whilst they were going through the divorce process – and some of the responses were truly profound.

Here are our favourite five pieces of advice, and why we think they’re relevant to divorcees around the world:

It’s OK To Feel How You Feel

Divorce is extremely testing and, as a result, those involved usually find themselves experiencing a wide array of varied and often negative emotions. This can be problematic as, when we feel angry, sad, hopeless etc. we have a tendency to try and suppress our feelings or worse yet, chastise ourselves for having them.

Remembering that divorce is emotionally testing, that it’s perfectly normal to feel negative emotions and allowing them to be is the best way to act here. Trying to fight feelings is absolutely exhausting and, as for beating yourself up, what good will that do? Be kind to yourself.

Patience Is A Blessing

Once you’ve started the process of ending your marriage, you’ll immediately crave the catharsis that many assume will come when their divorce has been finalised. The problem with this, however, is that you won’t feel better simply because you now possess a document that proves your marriage is legally over. In fact, nothing can expedite the healing process; you just need to be patient.

You Will Adapt

With divorce always being a life-changing event, it’s perfectly understandable that those affected by it often feel anxious about whether or not they’ll be able to adjust effectively. As one respondent pointed out, though “I realised how misplaced my anxieties were just four months after my divorce had been finalised. I’d adjusted my spending, altered my daily habits and made new friends. On reflection, I realised that I’d been through big changes previously and had adapted – I just wish I’d realised this sooner.”

The Children Are Actually Happier

As parents, we’re continuously told that children that grow up in a traditional two-parent nuclear family are more likely to be content and successful. This, though, is a reductive assessment – particularly if the parents are unhappy.

Children that see their parents fight or that grow up in an unhappy household are actually much less likely to enjoy meaningful and respectful relationships in their adult lives. Furthermore, it’s unlikely they’ll have happy childhoods. It may seem counterproductive, but divorcing your spouse genuinely can be in your children’s best interests; just remember that you and your spouse will need to make consistent and meaningful efforts to work as a team and provide effective and caring parenting post-divorce.

Get Mad, But Forget About Getting Even

With the need to divide your assets comes the potential for acrimony and with acrimony comes anger. This, in itself, is fine, provided you don’t allow it to cloud your judgement and seek revenge by trying to win a bigger piece of the pie or preventing your spouse from seeing the children. Ultimately, this is likely to do little more than prolong the divorce process and cost you more money.

What’s more, you and your former spouse are probably going to need to contact each other at some point in the future. If you’ve had children together, this is all but guaranteed so try and remain civil – it’ll make things much easier in the long run.

Jay Williams works for Quickie Divorce, one of the UK’s leading providers of fast, affordable online divorce solutions.

 

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