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Divorce Resources for Women

Forgiveness Frees Us

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forgiveness frees us

Moving on after divorce is one of the hardest parts of divorcing. Although on paper you have completely finished your marriage and your friends and family may be celebrating that you’re entering a new stage of life, you may find that you keep holding onto thoughts, resentments, and blame that hurt nobody but you.

How can you move on? Read “A Letter to My Ex-Husband on the Eve of My Wedding” by Lisa Arends to gain perspective and see how forgiveness helped her move to a place of acceptance and even gratitude for the past she experienced.

Is that too extreme? Don’t think you’ll ever get to that place? Your circumstances are radically different from hers?

Try these ways to help you forgive:

o   Remember that forgiving means stopping your feelings of anger or resentment toward someone, in this case, your ex. Any anger that you keep eats away at you, so the act of forgiving is a way to free yourself from anger and its negative effects.

o   Try to separate the person you are forgiving from the actions he has taken. Forgiving the person doesn’t mean that you condone the actions he took. It means that you quit rehashing your feelings of anger and move on!

o   Keep in mind that you don’t need to tell your ex that you forgive him. The act of forgiving your ex is for you. You need to think it, feel it, and live your life free of anger towards him.

o   Realize that only once you forgive your ex can you take the all-important step of forgiving yourself. You have to stop being angry at yourself in order to move on with the rest of your life.

Are you surprised that the song “Let It Go” from Disney’s animated feature film Frozen is popular (it won the Academy Award for Best Original Song at the 86th Academy Awards and reached the top ten of the Billboard Hot 100)? People from all walks of life seem to respond to the phrase “let it go.” (Note that the phrase is not “let it be” but “let it go.”) You don’t need to carry anger about the past into your future. Forgive your ex and yourself and be free to move forward with your life.

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